I feel like my brain is fried.
Chronologically blogging my way through the ESV Study Bible, over the course of the last year, has been a world-view changing experience.
I can't tell you how many times I found myself whinning at the pace and desired to throw anchor to do some deep sea diving in some of the more challenging revelations.
And today, as I try to produce a cogent thought about the experience, I find myself completely melted as I consider the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
I find myself with a new deep desire to be with Christ and apart from the struggles of the flesh. Yet, I certainly feel no sense of urgency to leave this earth, family, and friends.
I understand Paul's struggle and desire to be with Christ, and greatly admire his obedience to remain and labor for Christ.
To be honest, I dont' completely understand his statement, "For me to live is Christ". My head gets it, my heart somewhat gets it, I could even proclaim those words, but I am...what?...I'm lost for words...perhaps there are still earthly things that still have a piece of my heart?
Perhaps I need to give myself a break here. I haven't met Christ on the road to Damascus, and I haven't been swept up to the third heaven. I haven't been beaten, shipwrecked, seen people risen from the dead, and witnessed anywhere's near the things that Paul witnessed.
I guess my greatest desire for 2011, now that I have consumed God's revelation, is to experince my own Damascus road. Is it possible to meet Christ here and now? What does it really, and I mean really, mean to be God's holy temple and have the Holy Spirit living inside me.
Perhaps what I am trying to say is that I desire to move WAY past knowing of God, and actually know God. I mean really. Personally. Not just something we all say in church.
Does that make any sense?
