This is my uncle Don, brother of my mother. Uncle Don lives in Alaska, Michigan (suburb of Grand Rapids), and is perhaps the reigning king of our families one-liners.
I remember as a kid, at the Thanksgiving table, Uncle Don, and my brother Doug, would sit at the table and fire off one-liners left and right. It was as though the two of them prepared for months for this annual dual.
It brought me joy to watch their faces as they would smirk with glee at each barrage. I can hear the laughter of my grandmother.
As you might expect, my Uncle Don has taken to spreading his love of rib-tickling to the Internet with his occasional e-mails.
I received this from him today, and thought I would share it here. Even though the Michigan economy is greatly struggling, my Uncle Don is able to poke you in the rib, and squeeze a laugh out of you.
Please continue to read, "Things in Michigan are so tough that...
THINGS IN MICHIGAN ARE SO TOUGH THAT:
1. I bought a toaster and they threw in 5th/3rd Bank.
2. I'm getting pre-declined credit cards in the mail.
3. NCR now stands for Not Committed to the Region.
4. The General Motors Dearborn plant is reversing its production line so it can turn unsold new cars into high-priced scrap metal.
5. McDonalds has announced the quarter-ouncer.
6. People in Grosse Point have had to lay off their nannies and learn their children's names.
7. Obama will be discussing the stimulus package today; he's meeting with small businesses like GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM.
8. The highest-paying job in Detroit is jury duty.
9. Mothers in Africa are telling their kids, "Finish your food; kids are starving in Detroit "
10. Motel Six will no longer be leaving the lights on.
11. The Mafia is laying off judges.
13. The Detroit schools are revamping their curriculum to teach 21st-century skills like collecting unemployment, bailout basics, and how to decide between chapter 7 and chapter 11.
12. If National City Bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds," you have to call and ask if they meant you or them!
